The Useful and Kind way to develop Young Leaders

If you are 16 - 30 the Pandemic may have affected you in myriad ways: isolation, loneliness, disappointment, relief, uncertainty, dashed hopes, stress, missed opportunities and left you facing some pretty big existential questions:

what am I doing with my life?
how will I get the qualifications, education, job I thought I wanted / needed?
when will the pandemic end - properly?
what will a new normal be for me?
how can I make a big difference?
is this what the climate crisis will be like?
how do I find meaning for my life?
how do I change my ways?
how do I persuade others to change theirs?
why is change so slow? How can we make it faster?

These are all the kinds of questions that leaders ask all the time.

We have in recent years seen so many young people taking on the mantle of leadership and showing the way where older generations have failed. Why is it? Are the issues now more urgent? Climate Crisis, Sustainable Development Goals, the stagnation and impotence of political systems? Are they simply frustrated that existing leaders have failed so miserably? Has Social Media made their interventions easier than for previous generations?

What are the triggers for young people to see themselves as leaders of thought, of people and of innovation? How as older generations who have been found wanting do we best support and develop them?

These are the questions that we at Useful and Kind Unlimited are trying to address, both in the short term by working with others to develop young leaders through ideas, tools, social media, summer schools and in the longer term by our work in primary schools to develop awareness of what needs to change and the individual’s ability and responsibility to work in partnership with others to make the world a better place.

Historically leadership has been seen as the domain of the privileged, who, based on the way the world is currently so divided and unequal, have made a pretty bad job of it. But the neoliberal systems and their media have kept the rest of us in our place. Mostly. Occasionally we see revolution and rebellion. And with the advent of Social Media we see how young people can lead millions of people to peaceful protest, to demonstrate the need and urgency for change. But what makes them step up? What triggers their nascent leadership and what kind of leadership works best?

Traditional Leadership Development

Leadership has been much observed, studied and discussed for the last hundred years and some of the approaches have included:

great ‘man’
trait
behavioural
situational / contingency
transactional
transformational

authentic
servant
compassionate
mindful

Here are some helpful definitions:

leadership

The degree to which a leader is able to use the faculty of reason - the ability to learn from experience, to otherwise acquire and retain knowledge and to respond successfully to new situations - to guide or show others to an effective course of action or thought.

Webster’s New World Dictionary of the American Language, 1990, On leadership and Intelligence

A process of social influence through which an individual enlists and mobilises the aid of others in the attainment of a collective goal.

Chambers 2001

Leadership...is not simply about getting people to do things. It is about getting them to want to do things. Leadership ... is about shaping beliefs, desires and priorities. It is about achieving influence, not securing compliance.

Haslam, Reicher and Platow 2011

lead

to show the way by going first: to precede: to guide by the hand: to direct: to guide: to conduct: to convey: to induce : to live: to cause to live or experience: to have a principal or guiding part or place in: to be first or among the first: to be guide or chief: to act first

Chambers Twentieth Century Dictionary

leader

one who leads or goes first: a chief: the principal first violin: the head of a party, expedition etc.: the leading editorial article

Chambers Twentieth Century Dictionary

A leader... is like a shepherd. He stays behind the flock, letting the most nimble go on ahead, whereupon the others follow, not realising that all along they are being directed from behind

Nelson Mandela

John Whatmore in his book Releasing Creativity, How Leaders Develop Creative Potential in their Teams (Kogan Page, 1999) says that ‘what we want from them [leaders] changes over time – the role they play, their skills, styles of leadership and personalities will reflect the changes’. He also observes that the ‘speed of change has increased’.

Howard Gardner defined leaders as ‘individuals who significantly affect the thoughts, feelings and/or behaviours of a significant number of other individuals’

The Leadership Trust says the role is ‘winning the hearts and minds of others to achieve a Common Purpose’.

Warren Bennis, On Becoming a Leader (Arrow Books 1998) ‘Leadership is first being, then doing. Everything the leader does reflects what he or she is’.

Useful and Kind: Prosocial Leadership

Our definition:

“A prosocial leader is someone who leads, lives and acts for the welfare of others and the world”

Prosocial Leadership has a positive, effective influence, with constructive goals that serve the common good Lorenzi 2004

In spite of all this focus on leadership, we are still left with a torn unkind world. One which faces existential crises, unfairness and destruction. Our daily lives are filled with the microcosms, the incremental, the practical and rarely the visionary, inspirational sense of purpose that so characterised the Marshall Plan or any disaster relief.

Ideas about and the practice of leadership have developed over the last twenty years informed by:

frustration with existing leadership paradigms especially political (Arab Spring, Occupy, Brexit and the rise of division)
the digital revolution and the democratisation of leadership, protest and change
much greater understanding of the brain and the psychology of attachment, relationship and leadership
failing economic models based on the rich getting richer, £70m annual salary for an advertising executive
when most of the world lives on $1.25/day
greater awareness through the media of the world’s issues
the scale and imminence of global issues (climate change, Ebola, Zika, Aids, Covid-19)
the growth of mindfulness and compassion in the popular psyche
growing extremism
the desire to create a loving antidote to hate and division
crisis of confidence and trust in the business world
increase of stress and anxiety in the west (mental health, suicide rates)
the paradoxes of inequality (obesity whilst people starve)
the creative social enterprise sector

All of this too exists in the context of a psychological disengagement from people at work Mitroff and Denton (1999), a sense of betrayal caused by downsizing Giacalone and Jurkiewicz (2003), organisational bullying and mistreatment (Vickers 2010) and ethical standards and corruption (Waddock 2004). There is cynicism and worry and there is no longer the psychological contract and of course this has been considerably impacted by Covid-19. The millennials are saddled with debt from education, unlikely to be able to afford, for the first time, the luxuries their parents could.

So in this context what kind of prosocial leader do we need?

Being Useful and Kind is for everyday

Thinking Global and Acting Local, being self-aware and being Useful and Kind Unlimited, with your friends and family, community, team, organisation, sector and as a world citizen, a guardian and giver, rather than a taker, so that our life’s work and purpose is to add, to create and not just to utilise resources.

Loving and loved.

The U&K Model of leadership

You

are informed about and engaged with the world, alert and alive to its problems
make it a better place through empathy, compassion and action
have the self-awareness, belief and creativity, authentically to engage and galvanise yourself and others to
make it better
live a life that is truly aligned with authentic values
understand, accept and prise who you are and who you can fully be and the contribution you can make
are filled with drive, love and acceptance of others
work for the greater good
put people before profit
lead ethically and compassionately
are reflective and energetically intelligent: cognitively, emotionally, physically, spiritually and creatively
can be fully present in any moment: equally those of joy, celebration, success, as those of sadness, loss or
failure
are sustainable, using your own and the world’s resources wisely and with compassionate, tender loving
care

What triggers the Young Leader’s journey?

a sense of righteous anger at an injustice
the Wounded healer, who in leading and healing others is aiming at some level to lead and heal
themselves - those young people who have been abused become therapists or those aware of their own mental health create new campaigns, projects or organisations to help (Laura Darrall https:// www.usefulandkindunlimited.com/laura-darrall)
parents and primary caregivers either inspired you positively, gave recognition and reward to leadership behaviours, or the negative experiences that led to the young leader wanting to create a new and better way for others (Peter Tatchell https://www.usefulandkindunlimited.com/peter-tatchell)
a protest at unfairness - (Michelle Douglas https://www.usefulandkindunlimited.com/michelle-douglas)
Want to change something? Not have others go through what we have been through? Emma González
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/X_González)
it is the teenager’s psychological job to rebel, to push against the ‘normal’ and is so doing to test the
boundaries of how far they can go and still be safe and loved - to annoy the grown ups - rebellion / implicit
and explicit criticism of their world (Greta Thunberg)
being thrust into a leadership role - becoming a king or queen at a young age
wanting to make sense of the world
wanting to make a difference with your life

passion to make things better
spotting hypocrisy - where those in authority espouse one thing and yet do another

How to develop young leaders...

There is a paradox here: why do older people want to help to develop young leaders? Is it ’because we failed’ and we want to get a second go vicariously? Is it because we want, with humility, to help others not to make the same mistakes? Or is there a grandiosity which was part of the problem in the first place? Those of us working to develop Young Leaders must have all these aspects in our consciousness before we presume to help.

Here are some ways to develop young leaders:

by example - be a prosocial friend, leaders, parent, teacher
by safe challenge - create the situation and circumstances where the young leader can be at their learning
edge, safely (Flow)
do something that stretches - on the U&K Summer School participants have just over a day, working in
partnership with a social enterprise to create a lunch for homeless guests
give positive feedback - tell them what went well - better still enable them to develop their own reflective
practice (use the U&K Six Golden Questions)
simply believe in the young leader - let go - trust, ‘this was the first time sensible adults treated me as a
sensible adult’ (Summer School 2018)
allow yourself to be led whether young or older
work with other partners (uniformed organisations, Young Minds, NCS, Unite2030)
mentor - train to be a mentor with the Youth Mentor Coach, Leah Black
explore strong leadership character traits, we work in partnership with Characterscope (https://
characterscope.com) our partner for our Summer Schools
encourage, support in practical ways
sustain and engage
develop frameworks to reflect and learn from mistakes: Pause, Reflect, Act
ensure your local primary school is working towards being a Useful and Kind Mark school
love them - ‘it was a tsunami of love’ (Summer school participant 2020)

Some young leaders

Most of the U&K inspirers (https://www.usefulandkindunlimited.com/the-uk-inspirers) did not know at 16 what they would be doing with their lives so give it time and don’t think it has to be some great and challenging feat of leadership. Start small in ways that you and others can celebrate the small steps. Remember if you are steering a large ship and you change course by a couple of degrees you might end up on a different continent!

Some things to think about:

Ask questions: Where does your authentic authority come from? What inspires you? Where is your passion? How can you live your life on purpose?
who can help you? doing it together is the only way big change ever works - look at Greta, she might still be turning up on Fridays with her poster had she not engaged massively with the world - it started with a tweet
where is your courage? When have you been at your bravest?
what is it like when you are going against the flow, ‘normal’? What is it like to stand out or up for what you
believe in? Be ready to be mocked, teased or even vilified but stand firm. You will be on the right side of history. Some powerful vested interests (climate crisis, tobacco manufacturers, global tech owners) have a lot to lose - and we don’t like sacrifice - we feel unsafe - so be ready to use your support
don’t get overwhelmed - make sure you are being Useful and Kind to your Self - you will need all your strength to be there for others and to make the world better.

Some people to follow:

Shamma bint Suhail Faris Mazrui
Malala Yousafzai
Yara Shahidi
Jamie Margolin (read her fantastic book Power to Change which gives lots of practical ideas)
Greta Thunberg
Isra Hirsi
Marley Diaz
Desmond is Amazing
Mari Copeny

Make a list of those who inspire you. See what you can learn from them? Don’t be put off by how successful they appear - they too started with an idea in their bedroom, or a tweet or Insta.

Take a look at the Useful and Kind Inspirers https://www.usefulandkindunlimited.com/the-uk-inspirers

Look at the Sustainable Development Goals and see which inspire you the most - start there. https://sdgs.un.org/goals

What issues should you be aware of?

values - what are your values? Which are most important?
Be aware of when your values undermine those of people in power
be ready to be patronised - the ‘ah’ factor - Greta / Malala
remind yourself that big change takes time (the suffragettes, abolitionists)
we don’t have that time with the climate crisis so work out how you can be most effective

be aware of the society you operate in and with - be aware of how ‘children and young people’ are seen -

is there a sense of waiting until a coming of age? - fight stereotypes - take charge - you have every right.

Some key words, values and behaviours

Action, Altruism, Ambition, Aspiration, Authenticity, Compassion, Contact, Contentment, Cooperation, Courage, Creativity, Delight, Empathy, Equality, Excellence, Fairness, Flexibility, Forgiveness, Generosity, Gratitude, Honesty,, Humility, Integrity, Internationalism, Joy, Kindness, Leadership, Loyalty, Love, Memory, Mindful Awareness, Passion, Patience, Pause, Perseverance, Presence, Principles, Reflection, Respect, Right speech, SacrificeSense of Belonging, Service, Social Justice, Support, Sustainability, Trust, Values, Warmth